Sunday, March 27, 2011

Run.

Music: "I'm ok" Christina Aguilera.

Every once in a while I'll be outside and think maybe today is the day I can let go of all my fears, and pain etc, and then I feel like I can't do anything ever again because of my legs that are broken and the brain that made them that way. I just get fed up and lonely when there's  so much world to see out there and I have to be broken all the time. I have no words to tell you how that feel's. No words.

Just telling you how much I would like to just run for miles and miles and feel the ground under my feet sometimes.

Keep reading,
Jess.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

If you miss me see me, it's that easy.

Music: "Pandora mix"

Happy first day of spring ya'll, I have pink nails in honor of spring today, my gosh, I'm sitting in my living room for this post looking out at the last little bit of sun that's going down. There were times when I thought spring would never show for us here in upstate NY. What my days have felt like lately are just crazy! Have you ever had those days where the people in your life are starting to see how messed up you've been/felt even after you've told them hundreds of times yourself? A they want to help you but end up making you feel like nothing instead? And so the story of today's title begins. My sister and I have grown closer but also apart more in the last week or so then I think we might have ever been and if your the baby of your family or are about two years apart from your sister or brother like I am then, you might know how those type of things are so hard to deal with when they happen. It's getting to be where it's just me and my mom living at home, so it's an interesting thing to look at life in my point of view. And being the big sister she is she'll see that I'm in a funk (Most of the time from she see's that when I've been in one for longer then she thinks I have) and she'll offer to go shopping or something but, not really end up being there mentally in order for us to really do something "Together" or she'll say "We can do this" and she finds something out of the blue as to why she can't anymore. So to make it up to me she'll say she "Miss's Me" (Kind of like a guy no?) and I'll say "If you miss me see me, it's that easy" ta'da! 

Keep reading,
Jess.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

Here we go again.

Music: "Pandora mix"

I just don't know what to do with myself, So much has changed and none of it is my own change. That's part of my problem, I fined myself just randomly screaming "UGH!!!!!!!!!!!! "Yeah, I know we all do that from time to time  but these are the type of "ughs" when you just find out you've been lied to for quite awhile. And the thing with me is I thought that was over and done with for now. Yes, I knew it would happen again and that I'd be lied to through out my life like everyone has been one way or another. But this feels so soon for just having been through this.  Like my childhood plans that once were are gone. When did that happen and why didn't I know about it?! But then again I never really had all that much of your so called "Normal" childhood" if you ask me. And I'm really not kidding you here when I say my favorite years were 6 and 9. Because I felt so free. It's an angry/sad blog post kind of time for me right now.

Keep reading,
Jess.

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Just when I think I really lost it.

It's so nice to have something to write about! I give all credit to my very beautiful friend for this blog, she still puts up with my rambles (About nothing she hasn't heard before) I just wanted to write about that little things that pop up whatever it may be, that really makes you smile. When you as a parson feel like you don't have that little thing for just you to be happy about, and you feel so down and out that you just can't say anything because you know if you say something it won't be nice "If you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all" Truth is though, we do have that little thing for "Just us" it's called friends. Thank you to the friends that make us feel when we think we can't.

Keep reading,
Jess.