Thursday, September 29, 2011

Late night mindless bliss....

Music: "Pandora mix"

It's 11:04pm as I start to write yet another mindless blog to whomever wants to read it,
in the pitch black of my room with nothing but myself, Music, and a computer. it's So peaceful when my mind stops to let me breath or I should say when I stop to let myself breath, and not feel other people's pain and woes. I truly think I was emphatic or something of that nature in a past life. It blows my mind how sometimes I never feel my own pain and yet I can  feel everyone else's pain around me. I ask god a lot if this what he wanted me to be like? I always felt such a strong pull to try to guide anyone I can to do good and I get made fun of sometimes and have lost some in trying to do so "I'm taken all the doctor's med's, I'm still freakin out" "Paranoid" By: "The Jonas Brothers" (it popped up on my Pandora okay) seems to sum up everything.

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Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Light and Dark.

Music: "Demi Lovato" Song: "Fix A Heart/Skyscraper"

This blog has no subject today just writing for myself in hopes of healing.

Why am I still in this bad dream?

Shouldn't I have woken up by now? Why can't I? I don't need you anymore darkness! and yet you continue to haunt every move I make. And when I'm happy you can't bare to see the smile on my face so you take everything and spin it till no one would ever see the smile that just a few seconds ago was melting the ice you love to put in me. And every time it melts away it comes back colder then before. It's turned me pink, red, blue, purple, and lastly black. The funny thing is I still don't know why my heart is still beating?. It's bled out too many times to count. I thought I was rid of you. But it's just like you to make me think that right? I'm so tired. But something still keeps me awake so you can't take me away. I know this to be true.

This is for anyone going through depression. Inspired by my struggle and Demi Lovato
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Thursday, September 8, 2011

School time.

Music: "Paramore" Songs: "My Heart" (live)/In The Mourning/Cover of: "Landslide"

Felt like talking my gibberish, feeling oddly down as I wait for some of my shows to come on in my room seeing as how our cable box is out for the umpteenth time *Angry face* Missing my friends that have all gone to college and are now doing wonderful things with their lives, I can't blame them. I was homeschooled and have set foot in a school two maybe three times in my life, so I missed out on the Proms, Dances, etc. And for the time being missing out on college as well, it's not really that I couldn't go to school but for a long time I've been scared of bullies and Being treated different, in the sense that people think I'm like a "China doll" meaning they act like if I fell I would brake something and  I couldn't handle the work load they would have to scale it back for me then they would others. And I don't like when people make spectacles out of me because they may think those things. Any of you Handi- Cappable feel the same? For me it's only because I've never known any other way to be I was "Born this way" if I may quote Lady GaGa. Well this turned out to be a weird blog post.

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P.S. thinking of going to school for fashion when I'm ready.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Hi there.

Music: "Everly"

Thought I'd write being that I'm sick, it's raining, and I really have no desire to do the chores I feel like I should be doing. And despite all that I'm in a peaceful mood hearing the rain in one ear and "Everly"  in the other. Haven't been in the right mind set to write anything I felt was worth talking about lately. Really don't see how this is worth much either but oh, well. The point of this is that it makes me feel better (if only it could make my head cold go away) Do you ever feel like eating junk food helps being sick? oddly I think it dose. I only want Poppy Bagels, Soda, and greasy food. and I'm not even PMSing. Again it's a rare day the the rain isn't kicking the crap out of my body so I'm watching it fall, mmmm I really do love it. It's such a funny thing to me how writing nonsense like this makes me feel better emotionally speaking, I guess I feel like I'm writing a story but then I look and see it's just what I never show on the outside....Make sense?

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