Tuesday, January 22, 2013

"If there's a future I want it now"

Music: "Now" By: "Paramore"

So I'm once again inspired to write my post this evening by my love of the band "Paramore" The title of my post is a lyric in one of their songs. I've been struggling with my depression for so long I can't remember the last time I was happy for longer then an hour. It feels like every 5 minutes there would be another thing in my way toward being an adult, Being on my own without this shitty deniability. Don't get me wrong someday's I love the way I was meant to live the life I have with it, to teach people about those of us who do struggle with CP. But on top of that some of us have to deal with this monster of "depression" I'm so done! This song talks about forgetting things that held you back and in NO way am I saying I will be 100% cured by writing to you all but I just want one day without someone saying "Put good vibes out, "it's your fault" "Pray" (Although I do) "Smile" For me some days when people say things like that to me I just want to smack them...They have no clue who we are, what we're going through, it's hard! I want one day that I'm not in body pain or mental pain (Okay breath Jess breath!) Sorry it's been a crazy time in my head lately....My VERY long rant is that I'm starting to move on I have a meeting with someone I hope will help me to do that so I can start finding me again not the old me just ME "NOW"


P.S. if you read this then you just read a crazy head meltdown.


Keep reading,

Jess

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