Tuesday, December 31, 2013

Bolder, Brighter, Bigger, and better

Music: "Re-Arrange again" Erin Mccarly

It's about 3 and half hours till 2013 is over and 2014 begins, this year has been full of many things, my two beautiful nieces were born into our ever crazy but ever loving family. While my four wonderful nephews continued to grow and learn in life, I finally got over a loss and started grieving another....I sought help to end my pain before my pain ended me. I can't say getting help was a relief but it wasn't for nothing, at the beginning of the year I sprained my ankle leading me to spend half the summer missing out on fun things. But then I found myself mostly pain free and able to start on a path to find the brighter things, I started to see a personal trainer at a local gym and even though I pay no mind to body weight ended up losing some lbs and started to feel less dead inside. But in hopes to teach and heal others with this blog I feel I should tell you about something I hinted at in an earlier post of mine, I opened up about some of the thoughts running through my head one day in counseling and that lead to my dark side to fully eclipse any good. And without really any say so it was like all the little stitches I'd sewn into my heart were ripped out and I was left to deiced if I wanted to end it all or keep stitching? well, I can tell you in this moment I'm happy to have chosen to keep stitching...There are many, many days where my body, mind, and heart are just so tired of fighting to stay happy, but then there are days like finally seeing the cover for my upcoming book or seeing one of the many babies in my family smile and I'm reminded of how much I have yet to see in this small little life of mine. 

Be safe. Be as happy as you can and be free.

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Friday, December 27, 2013

A thought from my head to yours

I was going to write a post but ended up deciding not to because I really have too many things in my brain to pick just one thing to write about. So instead I'll leave you with a quote from my all time favorite books.....Depression is pain in its purest form and I would do anything to be able to feel an emotion again. Any emotion at all. Pain hurts, but pain that’s so powerful that you can’t feel anything anymore, that’s when you start to feel like you’re going crazy." -Cam The Edge Of Never.

Thursday, December 5, 2013

No sleep tonight

Music: "Skylar Grey" Coming home part 2

I should be sleeping sense it's almost two in the morning and I've been writing most of the evening, but what else is new? I started counselling in march of this year and I'm still asking myself if I've said the right things? I know there is no such thing as the "Right thing" when it comes to counselling, but I think if you've been through it you'll know what I mean. I finally got a tattoo I've wanted sense I was 13 of my twin sister's name (See old blog posts)...It was funny because after I got it done I drove by where she's buried and had the sense that she was happy I had gotten it. Not sure why I had the thought, but in any case it's a good feeling to look over and see my other half. It's my way of saying "I remember you" I guess. I'm more at peace with it oddly. I always say she's my angle looking over me but now I can see her.....

Okay, time for my late night rabble to end.

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