Sunday, February 16, 2014

Life's a trip...

Music: Kacey Musgraves. "On the map" (I'm obsessed with her for the moment)

A few weeks ago I was my normal crazy mess of a human being, I'm smiling at myself and this blog post tonight because it's like suddenly life was like "Hey, we heard you were having a hard time and wanted to make some changes for you." I'm the absolute last parson to say change is good, at least to myself. But, damn I don't want the good to leave my body again. I'm beginning to feel what it feels like and what it means to be wanted....I literally didn't think that would ever happen again. I honestly have no idea what is about to happen with my life, who really does right? I'm still having my days of struggle. But for the very first time in a long time I'm looking forward and not behind.

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Saturday, February 8, 2014


Music: Kacey Musgraves.

Year's have passed by and yet I still think of you everyday, as if nothing changed. But looking around you made it all change. The "what if's" never fail to break through, time pass's but not in the blink of an eye, more like it pass's just enough for us to realize we needed it to. Night's like these I wish nothing did change, but if nothing ever did change then where would I be? Where would you be? We would just be. And I've fought hard not to just be.

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Friday, February 7, 2014

lighthearted and fancy free....

Music: Katy Perry. (PRISM)

It's about 1am and darkness has decided not to fill my head for the moment. I've found such freedom in my writing. In my writing I am not this broken girl. I can say what I feel through what I've created...I can breath without gasping for life. it's a scary thing to have everyone see your heart put into words.....For the first time in my life I'm starting to feel okay in my skin. That doesn't mean everything is all sunshine and rainbows and I can't just act like the self harm and self doubt never happened. I still wake up wondering if everything will come crashing down again? I wake up every day asking myself if I can handle the possibility that my heart could shatter into a million pieces again? Once you've been broken it all changes....Things look very different and you'll question everyone and everything you ever knew, at least that's how it is for me. The pain is still there everyday, but this is why I'm writing you this, because in this moment it's a little less painful.

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