Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Love and pain. Pain and love....

Music: Cher Loyd, "Goodnight"

Pain and love go hand in hand, this I know to be true. But I wish I could say I know it's true that someone will love me....aside from my family love's always been a one sided deal for me, always me loving the person more then they love me, never the two of us on the same page. My heart is barely alive after losing you, but your the one who threw it back after it was given to you. Despite all of this, I'm going to give it to someone who will need it as if they have no heart of their own. Someone who thinks I'm beautiful every morning when we're laying in bed together. Someone who will make me feel so safe in their arms that all my worry's will fly away in the wind. Someone who will be proud to call me theirs. Someone who will chase me when I want to run. Someone who understands the darkness I've lived in, and how hard I fight it everyday. And finally, someone who will love me back.

Keep Reading,
Jess.

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Cheap and used.....

"Fall To Pieces" Avril Lavigne
My words to you.

What happens when that good thing you didn't wanna let go lets you go? I've dealt with a lot of pain in my life, but nothing has ever left me feeling as cheap, used, and hurt as the moment I heard the words "Your right. I used you." for the first time in a long time I saw my heart shatter again in front of me, and be replaced with a medicine that's sole purpose in life is to keep me breathing. I let someone see me, and I mean really see me for the first time in years and to add insult to injury gave them all but one firsts I had to give. I feel every touch left on my skin and feel as though I could never take enough showers to be clean again....maybe what hurts the most out of everything is you told me you wanted me disability and all, all you wanted was to hurt someone you felt was less then you. You knew all along what you were going to do and still somehow made me feel as though I was safe to be my real self. Something that will take years to give to someone else.....How could you take that from me? How could I let you take that from me? your words are my worst coldest kind of fears, that I will be used only to be someones punching bag when they need one. I gave so much that I will NEVER get back. I will always hate you for that. Most of all out of everything I hate my legs for not letting me walk away from you......

Sincerely, 

Cheap and used.