Monday, June 30, 2014

Random rambles.....

Music: Spotify mix

With every new month it brings new coming changes, or at least that's how it seems to be lately for my life at this very moment. Some old bits of my depression have reared they're ugly heads recently, and honestly I don't have much in me to fight them right now. It's nothing to bad, just more like they're waiting right outside the door waiting to be let in again, but if there's any luck in this world they'll have to wait a bit longer.....The other day I felt the MASSIVE amount of pain in me that it nearly took everything in me to tell myself that it was doubt mixed with PMS feeding the pain and fear I felt so that I didn't fall prey to my stronger habits again. Again, I know I have a lot to learn and haven't been in it that long, but I just don't want to be let down in this game of love again.....At least not right now anyway.

Keep reading,
Jess.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Years of soul searching and I'm still not done...

Music: Spotify mix

I've only been at online dating for a few months now, but I won't lie to you and say I didn't think I'd find someone right away, when in fact I did think that. And if I'm being honest with myself I still see myself with someone even though I'm not anymore. You could send me a hundred texts, IM's, phone calls, but what is so hard about just letting someone know your not into them anymore within like the first two weeks? Don't leave me waiting here thinking there's a chance when you've already decided there isn't. Your an adult, same as me, so act like one for god sakes! I know I'm still very young and still have a lot to learn, but why do I have to be the one who sounds like a bitch just because I know what I want and it offends you because you don't? Isn't this supposed to be the time where I'm just starting to figure out what I want? Well, looks like life sped up that process for me....This, this is what makes me doubt I'm worth it. When you paint this pretty little dream in my head of what it could be like with you and then burn it to the ground when it's finished. That is what helps feed the pain that's made a home in my skin for years now. "It's not a bad thing to fall in love with me." Those lyrics could not feel less of a lie even if they tried. This post isn't me giving up, this is just me letting my trials and tribulations out. "Are you gonna stay the night? Doesn't mean we're bound for life." So what's it gonna be? Are you going to stay the night?.....

Keep Reading,
Jess