Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Battle....

Music:  "The Funeral" Band Of Horses

Everyone has said something about the amazing soul we lost, so I'll say my thoughts. Robin Williams was one of my favorite comedians and actors and it really breaks my heart to lose such a great man.....Everyone struggles with so many things in this world, depression is one mean bitch. It has the power to end you, and this is the proof. I cannot tell you enough how alone I felt during my teen years, it wasn't your normal teenage angst. This was pure I feel so much pain and I just can't take it anymore pain. How the eff I lived through it I'll never quite understand. I know just how damn lucky I truly am though, to have the family and friends that I have in my life....If only others had that, but even with family and friends depression finds a way to darken things. I was brave and somehow strong enough to ask for help when I knew that if I didn't I wouldn't have held on as long as I have....It's hard to ask for help to this day, to go and talk about my thoughts, my pain, my anger, will always be hard for me and it's going on two years now. Robin was simply to tired to ask anymore....So to him I say, sleep and be healed from your darkness.

Keep Reading,
Jess.

Friday, August 8, 2014

I'm here....

Music: "Lose Control" Colony House

I have to be up in a few hours, but when I'm inspired to write there is no such thing as sleep. It's been one year since I wanted nothing to do with life, wanted everything to just stop, I wanted to just breath without it hurting. I still have days where pain is all I feel, but I'm amazed that a year has passed and I can say that I'm healing from some of it. You have no idea how much it means that I could even feel something other then pain.....Day after day I struggle with depression, for some it lasts only for a seconds, once it's there it stays with you. In my case it lives in me. My rock bottom hit me hard....It was the scariest thing I've ever been through. But I'm breathing, I'm living, I've had my heart broken and somehow managing to find myself for the first time in my life.....I'm here.

Keep Reading,
Jess.