Wednesday, December 31, 2014

My year in 2014.....

Music: Spotify playlist "Thinking & wishing"

Surprisingly this is the first year in a long time that I've felt the year flew by. So here it go's, my year in a nutshell. I think this year really began for me in early March, I finally decided to go after love. Aka started this crazy roller coaster of online dating, since sadly I don't get many chances in the "Real world" to meet guys. Then somewhere in the middle of this ride I met someone, I thought "Wow, someone is finally willing to talk to me, and he's male!" In the following weeks we "talked" (texted) nearly everyday, and I began to feel beautiful for the first time in a way I'd never known. Finally in mid April I had my first date (ever, at 21 :P) I was a little in shock honestly that this was real, I was going on a real live honest to god date. Me. The girl who just the year before hated everything about herself and the life she had. My sister and I had the experience of bonding while she did my hair and makeup (a memory I'll treasure forever) And we pondered over whether or not he'd really kiss me (Use tongue. Sorry mom) She also wiggled her way into coming to the same place where our date was....Not her finest moment. His smile was infectious, it made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world to know he was with me. He was mine. I'd never been good around the few guys I'd met in my life before then, so I was thrilled at how I was able to laugh etc being with him. I then got what was my first kiss at the end of the evening. It was a really bad first kiss, I mean bad, and to tell you the truth it didn't really get better during the month we were together. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't crying writing the first part of this post. I look back on my time with him with only little good memories, I say that because the night it all ended was not the worst moment in my life, but the worst night of my life. It was/is a breakup I never wish for anyone. I still think the pieces of my heart that night are scattered outside my house. In between the months I spent grieving, I'd talk to a few guys only to have them lead to a dead end. The came my second date, which also didn't lead anywhere but was a really lovely date. And behind door number tree is the 3rd guy to ask me out and the second guy to ever kiss me. It was as Taylor Swift might say a magical night (No, really) He treated me so well and was a damn good kisser lol, so I now count that one as my first "real" kiss. It ended in a hard loss, but I manged to move slowly onward from it. And now a little more recent was the fourth guy in my life who was what I thought would be the end of dating for me for awhile. Now that, that one stung at the end. Oh yeah, somewhere in there I became a writer and my depression lessened some :) And in this year I grew even closer to my best friend whom without I'd honestly not have been able to get through all this. Thank you so much! And the best thing about this year has been seeing my family grow and thrive to the fullest it ever has. I've never been happier to be apart of it. If you made it through what might be my longest post to date? Then even though it may seem like it's all about my love life, know that it's not. It's about me living my life for the first time this year....In hopes of coming out better on the other side of it.

In 2015 keep reading,
Jess.


"You can’t water down the truth and when you do, it loses all its power.
I hope that, at the end of this year, you realize how the hard times made you. I hope for you that you allowed those times to make you better. I would bet that you’re better. " - Hayley Williams.

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